All posts by Laura Counsell

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!
loz

Plus Size but not Curvy

I have been thinking about this post for quite a few weeks, and about plus size fashion for significantly longer.

Back in January 2015, I wrote about my New Year’s Resolutions. There was every chance that none of them would stick for more than a couple of weeks, but two of the three have: I make an effort to hot-cloth-cleanse my face every night, and I have read lots of fantastic non-fiction books since pledging to do so. I have not, however, lost weight. Quite the opposite.

The fact is that I love our life together, mine and M’s. We go to gigs, and comedy, have weekends away in Brighton and random Northern cities where there’s a Strongman event on, eat great food and have too many beers at the fighting and the wrestling. I can’t imagine making the sacrifices  I would need to in order to get back to where I was two and a half years ago. And I am sad at my wardrobe of COS tops I can’t quite fit in, and I don’t love that I can’t shop in mainstream high street stores anymore, but not quite enough to feel bad about it. I have made the decision to look straight ahead, mindfully and intelligently, and not waste my days obsessing over my weight. As long as I can still find items to wear that I feel represent me and my personal style, I’ve resolved to accept myself as I am.

I like how my lashes look in this pic, even if it is a bit low-res.
I like how my lashes look in this pic, even if it is a bit low-res. And this necklace is exactly the sort of thing I’ll be banging on about from now on

[As a side note, I do realise that all these beers and fun times have to be balanced with sensible, positive changes. More walking, more vegetables, better sleep are all being tackled. I just refuse to conflate being healthy with being skinny.]

So, over the last few months I’ve been supplementing my wardrobe and beginning to follow some truly inspiring plus size bloggers. I particularly love Georgina Horne’s Fuller Figure Fuller Bust blog, although she’s well worth a like on Facebook too.  I enjoy seeing what bloggers have found, how they style the items they wear, and how unafraid they are to try things that aren’t automatically considered ‘flattering’. Is pretending to be slimmer than you are what nourishes the soul? The problem for me is that I don’t have their figures. Georgina Horne looks incredible but I’m a B-cup athletic apple- if you can imagine such a thing- and skater dresses, belts and a retro pin-up look suit neither my personal style or my figure.

This H&M + dress is great quality for the money. Full post to follow.
This H&M + dress is great quality for the money. Full post to follow.

There is no easy way to be a woman in the world, let alone one over a size 10. I am not for one moment suggesting that Ms Horne doesn’t get abuse and lewd comments- Christ, does she- but there is a traditional, curvaceous, sexy femininity to the way she styles herself and the way most of the plus size bloggers dress in their posts. They embrace their curves and enhance them, but I barely have them at all! At almost six feet tall, my limbs are long and slim (at least to mid-thigh). I have a high waist, and my weight is carried in the tummy (and the arse, but the tummy is what shows changes in weight immediately). My hips are rounder at the moment, but when I’m slimmer the weight comes off the hips while the stomach remains. At a 14-16, I look long and trim, but with a tummy. An athletic apple.

Future posts will have actual outfit shots! This is a preview; excuse the monster arm.
Future posts will have plenty of full outfit shots! This is a preview of a top I’ve worn way more than I thought I would; excuse the monster arm.

So I’m carving out my own style: plus size but not curvy. I’m taking the elements of my slimmer style that I still love and adapting them for my new figure. Clean, Scandinavian-influenced lines; an abundance of fabric worn with super-skinny jeans, leggings, or close-cut trousers; architectural lines and texture. Buying a size up for style but also so the items look better quality. Flowing dresses with statement jewellery and striking make-up.

More clothing than ever before is offered in size 16+, and the rise of online shopping has meant that companies don’t have to play it so safe, providing much greater competition. Navabi offers a wide range of high-end plus size clothing and my love of Carmakoma is well documented. ASOS offers over 1300 items in its Curve and plus size brand section, offering safer items alongside bodycon dresses and fashion-led pieces not traditionally considered flattering or acceptable for fuller figures. Evans hasn’t been able to rest on its laurels when River Island brings out a plus-size range, although I am yet to be entirely convinced on the latter. I can get the silhouette I want- I’m just learning that it might mean buying every top in three sizes to see what works. I shall report back soon.

Category: Style
Bloggers about fashion, beauty and life
Laura

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!

IMG_0770

Quick Fix! Fake nails

Quick Fixes - things that make you feel good cheaply and easily!

My first experience with fake nails was about 25 years ago, trying the kind that have a sticker on the back. They were not a total success. After that I’m pretty sure I tried the ones that come with glue but they weren’t terribly stylish when I was a youth, often too long and some fairly vicious reds and pinks. And I got the nail glue everywhere.

I go through phases of trying to paint my nails and keep them looking smart but they smudge or chip almost immediately and I can never seem to get them to dry really hard, no matter what products I use. I have had gel manicures before and that, I love. Glossy, long-lasting, cool colours: just awesome. But I really can’t justify the cost of the upkeep.

Imagine my delight then, when I stumbled across the fake nails in Primark- in blue, purple, matte! And a practical length. Me and my big sister both bought some with a view to applying them before dinner that night, and apply them I did- with a glass of wine in hand and in a very slapdash manner. And they came out pretty alright, with the exception of at least one slight size mismatch. After two and a bit weeks, I’ve had to do running repairs- at least one nail per day- but the 36 in a pack has meant that I have plenty to replace the lost ones with. Being in Amsterdam for a few days with my best girls, it was fab to have ‘finished’ nails even as the balls of my feet screamed in pain. Then my lovely lady P suggested that I buy more expensive glue for longevity and it’s been a genius idea.

I look like a lady!
I look like a lady!

And that ‘more expensive’ is still only about four quid. You just have to be a tiny bit more careful with it as there’s much more room for sticking fingers together, so I would definitely start with the Primark glue until you get the hang of it.

Currently transitioning to this purple-y raspberry colour
Currently transitioning to this purple-y raspberry colour

So I went to Primark and bought lots of other colours! They’re all £1 a pack, but some of the fancier ‘Design’ ones have 24 in a pack instead of 36. Either way, I doubled up so that I had plenty for replacement nails. Yes it won’t be doing the nails underneath a tonne of good but I can’t find it in me to care- I have glossy, pastel nails!

So many options…

Things I have learnt

- Be decisive: if you wait too long or are too cautious about placing the nail, you will get it stuck halfway on. This is not a good look.

- Buy nail varnish remover pots: Wilkinson’s do such things for £1. You don’t want anything fancy and I doubt the cheap pots are much good for nail polish. but they will dissolve problem nails (which is very handy when you’ve stuck one halfway up the nail instead of at the cuticle)

- The matte ones don’t stay matte.

- The nail sizes are really good, so I think most people could probably find these to fit, even if larger-handed ladies might need to buy a couple of packs to get as many larger sizes as they need. If you have unusually-shaped nails, they might not work tho (sorry Kathry..)

 

 

Category: Style
Bloggers about fashion, beauty and life
Laura

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!

heart sand

You have Parent Issues even if you don’t think you do

It is obvious that our parents have an almost inconceivable effect on our development as human beings, and most of us can accept that. Whether you vote the way your parents do or reject that completely, you’re reacting to how you were brought up; the conversations, the assumptions, the influences. And when someone has had a tragic or abusive childhood, we can envisage why that might have messed them up. We can see that impact because it’s in popular culture, in TV and paperbacks in WH Smith with pictures of sad children on the cover. But more and more (and more) I am realising the impact that familial relationships have, not just on our development as a human being but on the very way we form relationships. However conscious we are about our decision making, most of us don’t realise the extent to which we are recreating patterns in our personal lives.

Does this sound a little self-helpy? I can see that. It’s probably symptomatic of the sort of literature that I read and the sorts of things I’ve always been interested in that this rings so true with me. The people I’m interested in (in a literary sense) are often cerebral types, often recovering addicts, people who have had a lot of therapy. I also like Jillian Michaels, the trainer from The Biggest Loser, who is- I think it’s fair to say- not a particularly cerebral type. But she is a person who understands the destructive nature of her relationship with her father growing up, and how that makes her react, in a very real way, to authority figures in her own life. When the people I’m interested in kept saying the same thing in many different ways, it slowly started to dawn on me that it made sense.

This shit makes sense! www.5lovelanguages.com/
This shit makes sense! www.5lovelanguages.com/

The problem is that because we live our own experiences and our perception is our reality. It is often very hard to see that it might be worth questioning the conclusions we’re drawing. I’ve been racking my brains for an example that isn’t vague, or boring. Of course when you have an interaction with someone and they appear preoccupied we can read that as them being rude, or having something on their mind, or interpret ourselves as boring or not worthy of their attention. But without a specific example, it’s all a bit blah. So I’ll give you mine.

In my early twenties I was almost always in a relationship and I assumed it would never be that difficult to find another. A little further into my twenties, I found myself single and working in the City, and it was suddenly much harder to meet someone. It wasn’t hard to meet people in general but it was sure as shit extremely hard to meet anybody worth spending any time with. That obviously excludes the unbelievable friends I made  there and continue to be close to: they’re gorgeous. The harder I tried the further away what I wanted seemed to be, like trying to catch a fish in your hands. I’d have dates, and second dates, and sometimes more, just to have the person disappear. Any time I got comfortable, that person would ghost on me, so of course I went into every relationship being scared that would happen. “We all have those fears!”, I hear you cry, and of course we do. But until I was in a relationship that felt like a team, where I felt secure, I couldn’t see how utterly terrified I had been in the early stages of the relationship that it would all crumble. It was a pathological fear, a physical feeling that M would leave me. I put it down to the ghosting morons. Now, 798 high-brow podcasts later, I am struck by the truth of the realisation I had a couple of months ago: my fear that the person I love will reject me is as a direct reaction to my fear that love would be withdrawn as a child.

I’m not going to criticise or blame, that’s not the point. I just feel more free and more calm realising that love felt conditional in my childhood and  that it’s had an impact. I also had a lot of unconditional love and continue to have that, and that is nourishing and has made me a lot of who I am. I just also deeply feel that love can be withdrawn.

Look, I don’t think having a critical parent with their own issues qualifies me to write a misery memoir called Why won’t you love me? My point isn’t self-pity, my point is that I have reflected on this one small element of what affects the dynamics of my relationship and it feels very true and runs very deep, and holy shit where does that leave us all? We’re screwed, doomed to repeat patterns that we don’t even recognise! I suppose some people can identify some of the many fibres that form the whole, to a greater or lesser degree. But even just taking a second to think about your opinion or emotion or irritation or resentment, taking a moment to hold it up to the light and to think about the years that went into it, the assumptions and pain, well I think that might be worth it. Holding up Not Going to Prezzo and examining it, maybe I’ll find that it turns to dust. Don’t get me started on Ways I Need To Be Shown I’m Loved. I’m trying, OK?

 

Category: Life
Bloggers about fashion, beauty and life
Laura

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!

Loz anger (1)

It’s hard to admit your flaws… and mine is my temper

It’s hard to admit your flaws. I don’t mean the ones about our weight or being terrible with money, or all the other little things we might jokingly mention but we’re secretly paranoid about. I don’t mean the things that we will readily offer up, I mean the uncomfortable flaws. The ones that really suck. The ones that make us wonder if we could ever make a scary mistake.

Nobody who has ever spent more than about 20 minutes with me could ever doubt that I’m an emotional person. I hide it with work stuff so that’s a possible exception,  but even then that’s only in formal situations. A wise woman once told me that the closer you can be to your true self at work, the happier you’ll be, and the truth of this is demonstrable in my own life so I don’t pretend to be a robot. But I do try and apply logic to my feelings, and when I have a (negative) emotional response to another person I do some work to unpick it and work out why I may have had that response. We all feel things that we shouldn’t act on. My issue is not acting on one particular emotional response, and that’s anger. Not anger at people I love, when I will do the work that I just described and try to work out whether my response is fair and- probably more to the point- appropriate to the situation. My impulse control is tested when the anger is directed at strangers.

This is a really hard thing to describe because I think it makes me sound like a horrible, horrible person. And I am ashamed of my reactions when I feel that sharp flash of anger. It’s genuine shame that I feel. So often, the anger I feel is because a person- quite often on public transport- is not acting with the care, attention, and consideration that I think they should and that I consider myself to be exhibiting. It’s a theme in my emotional life that I can feel that other people aren’t trying as hard as I am, but I realise it’s unreasonable to feel that way with my loved ones because a) don’t ask people to be grateful for things you’ve done that they didn’t ask for; and b) you have no way of knowing how much effort someone is making! They might be making a hundred tiny decisions in your best interest every day and you wouldn’t know.

Me looking cheerful. Which is a lot of the time
Me looking cheerful. Which is a lot of the time

So how does this anger manifest itself? Physically. How awful it is: the shame I feel at typing that sentence. How is it any different an emotional response to somebody who beats their partner when they feel aggrieved? It’s different because the scale is different but I realised recently that it has to stop. I got on a tube, tipsy, and interpreted someone as being in the way as we tried to board the train. And I pushed his backpack. It was a shove, really. And I immediately apologised and he was angry and swearing about me the entire journey and that was my punishment. But it could have been so, so much worse. It could essentially have been picking a fight with a man on the tube. And even more than that, it upset my mother (who I had been trying to protect) and M (who would have felt that he had to protect me) and it’s just not fucking good enough. I have to be better than that. And believe me, this is only the occasion that sticks in my mind as being very recent and pretty grim, there are plenty more.

I’ve known since my first serious relationship that I have a quick temper. That boyfriend brought it up all the time, until I had to accept it was the truth. And I know that it is a small, dirty flare signalling that there’s some anger inside me that hasn’t been taken care of. I know it’s sad inner child stuff but I have the manifestation of that under control a lot of times. It’s these silly infractions that I react like a pressure cooker to; stepping on my foot, hitting me with your bag, walking diagonally across a busy road. These are not things to give a shit about. In the world we live in, they could probably be let go.

So, I have been consciously watching myself. I have been seeing when I react; recognising the signs. And by being conscious of every angry tut, every time I want to kick the foot of the person who’s crushed my toes, I get better at diffusing myself. The regularity of those reactions means I’m already taking the sting out. And by writing it down I am facing up to the work I have to do, and I am putting it out there so I can’t pretend that it’s a one-off, a silly drunk reaction, nothing to worry about.  I’m taking responsibility for my sharp, white anger and I am refusing to be defined by it. I hope.

Category: Life
Bloggers about fashion, beauty and life
Laura

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!

crying

If you’re applying for a job, please don’t do this…

I am currently recruiting and have so far waded through 179 applications . 179*! And every one is from a real live human being so I take the time to genuinely consider their CV and the cover letter they’ve composed. A big chunk of these applications have one or more major issues: not necessarily a lack of qualification or experience, more that the application itself prompts some cause for concern.

I’ve recruited for entry-level roles and managerial vacancies, and while there are definitely some people who need more of a support network to help them represent themselves properly in a job application situation, people of every level should be avoiding these pitfalls…

1. Maybe don’t use your personal email address

This is a pet hate of mine, so it gets top billing. It’s not enough to mean you automatically won’t get an interview, but it will make me think twice. Please bear in mind when you apply for a job that the recruiting manager has no idea who you are. And that their vacancy will receive many applications, into the hundreds if it’s not a managerial role.

Your email address is one of the first- if not the first- thing that someone will find out about you so try to think about what you’re saying with that email address. Ultimately, any employer wants to know you can act reasonably in a work situation and with a bit of common sense- if you can’t do that with your email address, why should I believe you can do it at work?

If you’re basically dirtyslut@gmail.com or beerbastard@hotmail.co.uk then I don’t judge your personal choices! But your common sense is definitely under scrutiny. And no, I’m barely exaggerating. daddysmyangel@genericprovider.com is an example of one I’ve had the pleasure of receiving a job application from. I don’t even know what it means.

Also, generally avoid the word ‘dolphin’ in your email address. Please.

I very much enjoy getting tipsy. I don't need to include it on my CV.
I very much enjoy getting tipsy. I don’t need to include it on my CV.

Even email addresses that don’t suggest a full and exciting social life can be problematic; I wouldn’t discount somebody great for this reason, but there’s always that confusion when the address seems to be somebody else’s name… If you’re Bob, why is your email address Pam? Just do yourself a favour and create an email address that is basically the name on your application- it makes everything simpler.

2. Fill in the blanks

I don’t know you, your hopes, your dreams. If all you’ve ever wanted was to move from Galway to London (or vice versa) then good for you! But if your CV states that you currently live in Galway, then it’s probably worth mentioning how and why you’re applying for a job across an actual sea. Even places closer by: if it’s an hour and a half from your city to mine, you clearly aren’t going to be commuting, and interviewing you is going to be a bitch. So state in your cover letter that you’re looking to move, or how you think you could make the role work, because otherwise I will think you’re just not paying attention. I shouldn’t have to work to understand your application.

Similar is true of career breaks and periods out of work: do not just leave gaps. If you were raising a family or had caring responsibilities then just put that in. If you were ill or had trouble finding work, these things are totally understandable but still worth a mention. Again, just try to bear in mind that you’re taking the guesswork out of the situation. The employer doesn’t want to have to try to figure stuff out so KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid. Which in this case means filling in the gaps.

3. Have an up-to-date CV

Boring? Obvious? Yes! Totally! And yet I see covering letters and personal statements all the freaking time that seem to contradict the CV provided alongside. On the current vacancy we ask whether a particular qualification has been achieved, and the proportion of people who answer yes and then it’s nowhere to be seen on their CV is frankly staggering. Do you not care enough to keep your CV current? Are you fibbing about having passed? Again, I don’t want to be the Miss Marple of Reed, digging to find out the truth. Just tell me what I need to know.

These are my beautiful cats. I very much enjoy cats. I don't need to include it on my CV.
These are my beautiful cats. I very much enjoy cats. I don’t need to include it on my CV.

And make it suitable for a lay person. If you have an HR professional doing the recruiting- which may well be the case in a larger organisation- then they’re likely to understand what your qualifications mean. Similarly, if you’re applying for a very specialist job in, say, a riding school, then listing all your horse-related achievements makes perfect sense. But if in doubt, just spell out what all these letters and names mean. I’m not going to sit and Google your acronym so just make it easy. On my CV I say that I have the Investment Management Certificate (glamour!), I don’t just put ‘IMC’ and let employers guess at what particular IMC that might be.

Other quick wins to bear in mind:

4. CVs of more than 2 pages won’t get read. Fact.

5. Get a friend to read your CV. If you can’t even capitalise your own address, or spell the name of your last employer correctly, I’m not sure I want to entrust you with my organisation’s financial future. So ask a mate to check it.

6. Don’t be weird. A bit of colour, or an unusual layout (as long as it makes sense) is a nice change for the poor, tired recruiter’s eyes. But don’t go on about unions ruining your year at a French university, or your obsession with the knowledge provided by Dan Brown books. Out of context it’s just  weird.

7. ‘Going to the gym’ and ‘reading’. Everyone puts these as their interests. It’s in no way a deal-breaker but it makes you stick out about as much as calling yourself easy-going in an online dating profile. Oh, do you like staying in and going out with friends too??

Oh you mean you like reading? Why didn't you say so!
Oh you mean you like reading? Why didn’t you say so!

8. Volunteering is great.

9. Try not to apply if you can’t even be bothered to slightly tailor your covering letter. I know it’s tough out there, I really do. But receiving the same covering letter you already had saved on the recruitment website without even changing the job title and company name is so depressing. Ideally you should refer to the detail in the job ad but in an entry-level job, if you really feel you don’t have loads to say, just keep it to the point but personalise it to the vacancy.

10. Don’t Dear Sir me if you’re writing to my email address. In my old job I asked all applicants to email me directly. So howabout ‘Dear Laura’ or ‘Dear Ms Bosslady’ rather than ‘Dear Sir’ if you know. My. Effing. Name.

Bonus tip: Want the job, give me a call. Nothing sticks in the mind of a recruiting manager more than the person who took the time to double-check a detail, or ask an intelligent question. It makes us feel wanted and warm inside! And when it comes down to you and the similarly-qualified person, I potentially already have a bond with you.

I hope these help? It’s genuinely so frustrating to see bright young people who have loads of potential making it opaque. If you don’t do your CV right there’s a bunch of people right behind you who will, and will get interviewed before you. Also, I just had to get this off my chest; I’ve been holding on to that ‘daddysmyangel’ thing for years…

 

 

 

* since starting writing this, it’s jumped to 198. I haven’t read all of the new ones.

Category: Comment, Life
Bloggers about fashion, beauty and life
Laura

I believe I am destined for great things, despite all evidence to the contrary!