You’ve ranted, you’ve raved, you’ve probably cried and loved and hated your therapist in equal measure. Time to dodge these emotionally-baffling bullets.
- Joggers. When I’m walking my tear-stained face home, don’t be standing next to me at the traffic lights stretching and looking all smug. I could jog too y’know; it would probably just make me cry is all.
- Off-loaders. You’ve had your moment to off-load so now they think it’s their turn. Friends, partners and family beware: I pay good freaking money to get rid of my rubbish and I suggest you do the same. Plus, I’m more likely to be feeling drained than renewed after my therapy session so just leave. Me. Be. Thanking you!
- Very, very happy people. Reading an article after my session about a yoga teacher who spends ten minutes being grateful each morning because “you can’t be depressed if you’re grateful” (wrong, by the way) wasn’t what we call A Good Idea. Anger ensued pretty quickly.
- Facebook. Guaranteed, there will be something to piss you off: attention-seeking status updates, pictures of dramatic weight loss, and Candy Crush notifications on your timeline, to name but a few. Be kind and swaddle your emotional self instead.
- Any movie or TV show where every problem is solved as if by magic. You may think that this will cheer you up but you’ll most likely end up feeling really rather bitter, especially because you’ve just spent all your beer money on an hour’s ranting while these guys only had to cry for the duration of a montage before everything was just dandy again. Save the show for tomorrow; you can delude yourself happily when you’re a little stronger.
